Quarantine Blues

2am: You finally fall asleep.

5am: You wake up.

Undoubtedly, you’re having some trouble sleeping.

Your thoughts keep you awake. You lie with eyes wide open in the dark, thinking about it over and over again. You replay the memories. The game of chess. The back and forward and diagonal moves. You have unanswered questions. You have doubts. Fears. 

Perhaps you realized you’re selfish. You realized your ego is what’s taunting you. You realized how deeply you’ve allowed your emotions to get involved. Maybe you’ve been in denial. Your said “peace” came from the fact that you believed you still sat at the throne. But no kingdom lasts forever. 

You must surrender your crown, but not because it’s been requested of you.

They say, “You are the captain of your fate, master of your soul.” So then, how did this slip from your hands? 

Love doesn’t ask for permission. Neither does heartbreak.

The earth does not still its tremble upon your solicitation. 

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding.”

Granted, this isn’t the most joyful read given the times, but I share these words because it’s okay to face yourself. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to see the ugly sides, to feel the hurt and disappointment. Personally, my nights have felt longer and heavy. I know many can attest to having the same sentiment. We’ve been put to a halt. Confined within walls, a ceiling and floor. But as we go through the motions, can we trust in God’s perfect sovereignty? Can we learn through situations like these that our lives will not always work according to our plans? At any given moment it can all be taken from you. It can all change. But if we have faith in the One who laid the foundations of the earth, we can let go of our need for control. We can rest assured in Him.

May we know our Maker. May we trust His plan.

*Featured images are from my travels to the charming city of Chefchaouen, Morocco. “The Blue City” 💙